Kids need special care after divorce

Big Concerns
Tragically, almost half of the children in the United States will live in a single parent home for more than five years because of divorce. Divorcing parents can have a profound effect on their children and the way parents react to them is critical. Here are a few suggestions:
• Communication is key. Talk to your children about the divorce and their feelings. Children always know something is wrong before a divorce happens. Hiding it from them only creates unreal¬istic fears and stresses. Make sure the child knows the divorce is not their fault. Children often think the divorce is a result of their behavior.
• Don’t put the child in the middle of the parents’ disagree-ments. By attacking the ex-spouse, you are placing the child in a difficult emotional dilemma. The children should not have to take sides.
• Try to maintain a consistent approach to discipline. When the child is spoiled by one parent, he may feel animosity toward the other. Parents should discuss a uniform set of rules and stick to
them.
• Don’t argue in front of the children. Children are very upset to see their parents fight. If you do need to settle an argument, wait until the child is not present or is asleep.
• Don’t condemn your ex-spouse in front of the child. Children still feel love for that person. By devaluing the other parent, you may inadvertently be devaluing the child, too.
• Explain to the child that divorce is final. Many times chil¬dren will maintain an unrealistic hope that some day their parents might still get back together. By explaining to the child that the divorce is final, you allow him to deal with his feelings and move on with life.
• Do not be afraid to seek professional help. If your child is having difficulty adjusting to the divorce and you are unable to help, contact your doctor or psychologist. The faster you deal with a problem the more likely it may be over¬come.

Daniel H. Moss
(248) 855-5656