By Daniel H. Moss, Attorney
Knowing the common causes for divorce does not necessarily mean your marriage will or will not succeed, but it can be beneficial in diagnosing and addressing problems you may be having in your relationship.
Divorce is not an easy step to take, and I never suggest that anyone take it lightly. While each relationship is unique, there are some common reasons that can contribute to a marriage ending.
Here are the top 6 reasons why marriages end.
1. Young Love
Young couples often have a tough time with marriage for many reasons. They may struggle with unrealistic expectations, finances, adjusting to new responsibilities, and with forming a communicative, supportive relationship. Younger couples tend to have less experience with relationships and how to compromise and communicate effectively. Growing up can also mean growing apart for many young couples. All of these things combined can cause a lot of conflict in a relationship and often lead to divorce.
Money is one of the biggest sources for arguments in marriages. It’s a common thread for all, but how a couple communicates with regards to their combined finances can be very telling. An individual’s background and personal beliefs have a lot to do with what they value in terms of spending. When two people with differing views are in the same financial boat, things can get rocky. Without good communication and understanding of your partner’s spending habits, arguments can arise. If a couple cannot come to a mutual understanding in this area, the arguments will continue and often create such ongoing friction that the marriage cannot survive.
3. Lack of Communication
One part of the foundation of a good relationship is good communication – not just in the good times, but when things get tough. Lack of communication can lead to arguments and resentment, with individuals feeling as though their partners don’t listen or don’t respect their feelings and opinions. If you can’t communicate well, you can’t resolve your issues or move forward to build a stronger relationship. Many spouses point to feelings of isolation resulting from lack of communication as the reason why their marriages ended in divorce.
Cheating is often viewed as a betrayal of the promises made in the marriage vows and can damage a relationship irreparably. Some couples can work through it, and some cannot. Repairing a relationship after infidelity is not easy. Those who can successfully mend the marriage typically do so through dedicated couples counseling. Often, in situations of cheating, trust cannot be regained and the marriage ends in divorce.
Addiction can take many forms. Whether to drugs, alcohol, spending, or another vice, the excessive behaviors associated with addiction are damaging not only to the individual who is addicted, but to those around him or her, and especially to a spouse. The secretive behaviors, dishonesty, and compulsive tendencies often associated with addiction make it difficult to build and keep trust. Sadly, those with addiction problems often do not have the ability to break free from their dependence without professional assistance, and even then it is not an easy road. Often, even if help is sought, the residual anger and broken trust cannot be overcome.
Abuse – whether emotional or physical — is often a deal breaker in a marriage, and rightly so. When someone is abusive to you or your children, it creates a lack of trust and security, both of which are important parts of a healthy relationship. If you’re living in fear and can’t trust that you and your children are safe in your own home, you are definitely not in a healthy relationship or a healthy environment. This is when it’s time to seek help from professionals to remove yourself and your children from harm’s way.
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